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Or you could like to talk on the phone and be around other people without being gregarious, a common description of extroverts. For example, if he’s a once-a-day-contact guy and you are a multiple-contact gal, then ask if it bothers him that you contact him a few times a day.

The point is to be conscious of your need for affiliation and sensitive to his. If he says no, then also say you are perfectly OK with his saying he’ll get back to you later if it isn’t a good time.

A friend shared with me the concept of people having different needs for affiliation — how much “people contact” they need.

As you would guess, some have a very low need for affiliation — someone like the Unabomber who is content to live like a hermit with human contact only a few times a year, and then only because of necessity. And some people have a very high need to be around people and get depressed when they aren’t.

There are legions of stories of jerks and ripoff artists.

Yes, there are plenty of men in the dating scene who you don’t want to have anything to do with.

But there are also legions of nice, emotionally mature men.

So ask yourself why you have that criteria and be willing to be flexible if a man has other wonderful qualities. A big pro is it is an easy way to look at a lot of (presumably) single men and get to know a little about them before meeting.

Yes, some lie, not only about their marital status, but about their jobs, age, fitness level, etc.

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